Short Stories by Surfer Rod: Rod's Home
Omaha Fats 1. The first time I met Martin "Omaha Fats" Kaiman was in 1970 in a pool room in Denver, CO. He was trying to hustle me playing one pocket but I had to give him 8-5 and the break. He would start out speaking slow then speed up his speech and raise his voice saying things like, "I'll call my backer; he's got more money than you but you have to give me 8-2 and the break. Then we can bet real high." He looked like he was about 50 years old, bald head except salt and pepper on his temples and in back. He typically wore a white tee shirt that just falls short of reaching the top of his jeans. When he bends over to shoot he exposes his butt crack--not a lovely sight! He would waddle around exerting a devilish smile and verbally build me up while scheming to pick my pocket, so to speak. I hardly played the big tables but it was good practice in that he would not bet that much anyway. When he's hustling, I saw him exaggerate his follow through such that he rolled his whole body over the pool table from one side to the other. I thought the floor was about to give way. We did not know each other too well at the time but quite often, when I entered a pool room that had any action, Marty would catch my eye, giving me signs such as look upwards with out moving his head and placing his hand over his heart (means I’m in on the action). I met my wife to be in Denver and we were married on the road in Las Vegas, NV, New Years Eve in 1970. We were blessed with two beautiful and wonderful daughters while I was taking almost a double load in college all year round. After the knowledge of expecting our 2nd daughter, it was mutually determined I take road trips during summer breaks from college and win some money in order to buy a bigger for our bigger family.
Omaha Fats 2. In Denver, around 1977, Omaha John Shuput and Omaha Fats (Marty) were at the 38th & Sheridan pool room when Marty asked John, "Take me over to the 404 bar and I'll buy you a steak." The owner of the bar often gave away free soup or chili on certain days. When they arrived clear across town at the 404, they sat down and Marty started ordering. He said something to the effect, "Give me a Filet Mignon, medium-rare plus, sauteed mushrooms and onions, and honey, make those onions well done; double-baked potato with lots of sour cream, butter and bring me a pitcher of ice tea to wash it all down; and honey, don't worry, I'll tip you real good." She asks, "Is that it?" Marty said, "Yeah." John said, "Wait a minute Marty; what about my steak?" Marty replies, "Did you think I was serious? I'll buy you a hot dog!" Marty did not like to spend his own money so while I was getting a divorce (1978), I was helping out the owner friend of mine during lunch time at his pool room. I figured out how to get Marty to spend some money. First, I would give him something to eat or drink for free (just to wet his appetite). It worked and then he would buy the rest of his lunch himself. Also, one day, Marty asked to borrow $50 from me so as usual, I obliged. I think he just borrowed the money to keep me near by in case I would over spot myself to him in one-pocket. Later on though, at the all night pool room, Marty fell asleep and $900 in hundred dollar bills fell out of his pocket. We gave him the $900 and he gave me back my $50.
Omaha Fats 3. We were at a tournament promoted by Ronnie Allen in Burlington, IA. Many of us were in line to the luncheon buffet and Martin "Omaha Fats" Kaiman (about 300 lbs.), waddled across the room at sat down at the end of one table near the buffet. After we selected our food, we joined Marty and began eating lunch. Marty did not go through the line but he asked Omaha John, "Hey Shupet', hand me a couple pieces of that chicken?" So John reaches over, gets the chicken and handed it to Marty. He asked another, "How about some of those rolls, please?" Ask and you shall receive. Marty kept asking and someone would deliver such that when the waitress gave us our checks, she gave one to Marty also. His face turned red; his eyes popped out and he said, "Wait a minute; I didn't go through that line." She said, "I know; I've been watching you; and you still ate more than anyone else." He said, "Well, you'd better bring me another plate to go with this check then; and warm up these rolls for me; they're a little bit cold. If you're quick, I'll take care of you, real good." Just listening to him and the moves he made, cracked me up. He was my favorite comedian.
Red on the Road. Pool hustling Red is on the road again. On this trip, he stopped in Jacksonville, Florida, where he met a local pool player named “Cowboy,” and they went around together to make money hitting all the bars and pool rooms. Red was a brawly sort of individual in that he would beat you out of your money and then laugh at you; but one day in a pool room owned by a “brother,” Red acted in the aforementioned manner, another “brother” came in with a gun and demanded Red and Cowboy to lay face down and, “Give me all your money” and Red hurriedly did so. As a result, they were broke so Cowboy allowed Red to stay with him while they hustled up some more pool action. They “pumped up” again but one night, Red snuck out of the house, took all the money (Cowboy’s share also) and skipped town. Red headed to south Florida and Cowboy was looking all over for him to do some bodily harm to Red for stealing his money. I saw Red in the Red Slipper in Miami and he had a pretty young girl with him. Red is about forty and not the best looking man in the world, so how could he be with this girl, I would ask myself. Red spent the money he stole in Jacksonville on this girl and partying, so he is broke again. He met up with Russo, a local guy in Miami, who steered Red around town to the hot spots and Red won them a lot of money. When it came time to split the money, Red gave Russo $300. Russo had heard that Red had won more money than that so he asked, “Is this all you won?” Red said, “yes” and with that, Russo pulled out his gun and said, “Now, lets have all the money.” So he started searching Red to find $100-dollar bills hidden in various places all over Red’s body, in his shoes, his socks and elsewhere. All total, he confiscated about two thousand dollars rather than the $600 Red had claimed he won. Afterwards, I saw Red in one of the action spots, trying to “pump up” again. While he was playing pool and winning a little, some guys were asking him questions about his girlfriend and wanted to know her name. Red replied, “Don’t you worry, you couldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole.” He said it in his usual gruff manner and continued to shoot pool. A little later, he looked over to where she was sitting to discover those guys all over her and she seemed to enjoy it. One of them approached Red and said, “Couldn’t touch her with a ten-foot pole, huh?” Red was furious; he threw his stick down, and went tearing at his girlfriend. He grabbed her by the hair and threw her to and fro until the other pulled him off her. Immediately, she called the police. Upon their arrival, they went into the bar to find out the story. After a few minutes, here comes Red out to the police car with a cop at each elbow. Red started pleading with his girlfriend, “Don’t do this to me, don’t you know they’re going to put me in jail?” He kept this up until finally she dropped the charges and Red went back inside and the police left. While the ruckus had been going on inside, Russo had bee watching, so he came over to Red, pulled out his gun and said, “I don’t like what you did to that girl, give me all your money again." So Red gave the money to Russo and then went to the telephone and called the police and told them that he had just been robbed. In a little while the same two police officers showed up again and Red accused Russo of robbing him. So they all went inside to find out just what had happened and shortly, here comes Red out to the police car with a cop at each elbow, taking him to jail.
Thank Allah for Eufaula. Pool hustling Red is on the road again with an idea of making money in Eufaula, Alabama, so he leaves his car in Dothan, AL, which is about a hundred miles south of Eufaula, and buys a bus ticket to Three Notch, AL, which is about fifty miles north of Eufaula. The pool room is right next door to the bus station; and Red goes in dressed like a farmer, with his bib-overall’s and the works. He is not there long before one of the local patrons challenges him to a game. Red dumbfoundedly accepts and because they were not playing for very much money, Red starts off losing. After an hour or so, Red said, “now, I can’t play very much longer cause I gotta catch the 4:00 o-clock bus to Three Notch.” Because they were winning and greedy, the locals were trying to get Red to raise the bet. So Red pulls out his wallet stuffed with money and says, “Ya wanta ‘high role’ do ya?” (pointing his finger at the guy who was winning). “Well, I’ll just play you eleven games out of twenty-one for a thousand dollars” and he throws the bundle of money on the table. Eyes popped with greed and they, now, did not know what to think. Red’s opponent said, “Wait a minute, and I’ll go get some more money.” But instead, he went next door to the bus t\station to check up on Red. He found from his inquiry that Red really was scheduled to go to Three Notch, so he concluded through logic, and by the fact that Red was losing, the sucker thought he had a sure thing. So he went back to the pool room and lost all his money to Red.
Ego Trouble. In a skid row bar, sitting on barstools were two fifty-year-old drunks, sipping beer. They were carrying on the typical salty sea stories when they began to talk about Red, John's cousin. John said, “Red just got a job the other day driving a bull dozer.” And he continued to talk about and build up Red. When he remarked on how strong and tough Red was, ole Cruise, the second drunk, immediately shot out, “Aw, I can whip Red.” Then John said, “Are you crazy? You can’t whip me, and I can’t whip Red.” Cruise said, “Whata ya mean I can’t whip you, why, I’ll …” Both of them came descending from their barstools to the floor bringing their beers, crashing with them. Neither could fight but John was on top so he said, “Do ya give up?” Old Cruise wouldn’t say anything but John let him up and asked, “Why are we fighting for anyway?” John put his arm around Cruise and said, “You always have been a good ole boy and I like ya.” They buddy up again and John said, “Give us two more beers, bartender.” They returned to their seats and the bartender wiped up the spilt beer on the bar with an old rag and brought them two more beers. Silent for only for a few moments, John said, “Ya see, you can’t whip me.” Old Cruise said, “You’re the one that wanted to quit, not me.” John said, “I let cha up, didn’t I?” Cruise said, “You didn’t let me up and I still can whip you or Red.” Then, Cruise jumped up and they both toppled to the floor once again.
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